I remember sitting at the end of my bed
My 6 year old hands folded together
“Please tell Tom that I love him”
I prayed to God 
Over and over again

The next morning as soon as I entered school, his sister right away asked me 
Do you love Tom?
No. I replied quickly.

As I grew older I departed, I walked away
To self healing methods, manifestation and New Age
But whenever I was in trouble
I prayed

I got my dream job in psychosomatic physiotherapy 
Where I learned alternative healing methods and practiced Reiki
But my own health deteriorated day by day 
Despite everything I had learned or tried
It wouldn’t go away
 
The conflict was the straw that broke the camel’s back
And I had my first panic attack
I didn’t dare to see her face to face
I no longer felt safe in this world, not even in my own head space

Jesus was the only one I really trusted during those times
When I finally had the courage to face her
I fell down and cried
A thousand knives in my stomach
Nearly fainting from the pain
I looked up screaming HELP ME at the top of my voice
Feeling as if I was going insane

Two years recovery
After which I left to travel the world teaching yoga and meditation
And so spirituality took over once again

Wondering deep into the wilderness
I saw God as an energy containing all that is
Exploring unconditional love in alternative ways
I tried to be part of co-creating a better and truthful world
Which resulted in more drama than my heart can take

Praying earnestly I came across prophecies once more
About end times drawing near
Which I could no longer ignore

I knew I had to make the choice
Which I wanted to make from my heart and not from fear
But seeing the evil in those prophecies my will broke
And I finally drew near
I became very aware of my ignorance and pride
Believing to be like gods, able to manifest and create while these things happen or worst case, hide
I can see through the illusions now
It was God answering my prayers 
Not me manifesting 
And finally I was ready to make my vow

Kneeling beside my bed in Australia I gave my life to Jesus last year
My thoughts, beliefs and desires changed 100% 
I can honestly say
I’m a new creation today
I’m ready to accept the wedding ring
Abba as my Father, Ruach Hakodesh my friend and Yeshua HaMashiach, Jesus Christ of Nazareth as my King

Much sooner than most expect it to be
Wholeheartedly 
I believe you are coming back
And whatever calling on my life you have prepped
I say I do
Yes, I accept